i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
