3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
