Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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