Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize
