at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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