sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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