i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
