I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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