thus making me awesome and them whores
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
