Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
is that a dick in a sweater?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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