Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my sisters under your porch take her home
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
