My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
