Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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