It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
