what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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