i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
