the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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