How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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