he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We left the knife in your bed.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
