I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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