I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I party with great urgency now.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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