first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
