Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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