every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
