I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
