I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
