Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
