I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
