he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
