I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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