Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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