I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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