I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
