Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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