If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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