keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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