Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
