I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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