I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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