i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
nutella sex= disaster
two words: eviction party
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
