I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
