my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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