ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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