Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
