I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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