Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
