i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
