I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
