No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
