just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
