okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
His nipple licking is glorious
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