well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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