Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
