i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
