she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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