We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
